Thursday, June 3, 2010

Tiger Woods: An angry man; not a sex addict

From his comments in the press, I fear that Tiger Woods does not understand his real problem. Tiger is not a sex addict. He is obsessed with sex. The difference is that obsessions are psychological defenses against emotion that the person does not want to acknowledge. It is easier to be involved with the pleasure and fun that physical attraction and sex brings, than address the deeper emotions that the obsession hides.
The deeper emotion that Tiger hides from himself is the natural anger that he would feel at his father and mother for stealing his childhood. Tiger's father, with his mother watching, convinced himself that the end justified the means with his son. That no matter what it took, or regardless of the psychological cost, making his son the best golfer in the world was in the best interests of his son. As reported in numerous articles, Earl Woods put his son through ordeals that could be considered emotional abuse. Tiger never got the chance to choose to play golf. No four year old chooses anything that a parent is willing to counter with the intensity that Earl felt for Tiger's development as a golfer. Like Michael Jackson, he lost his childhood to his family's passion.
Even worse, Tiger idealizes his parents to this day, a true sign of the inability to be angry at them for their actions toward him. No parent is perfect, let alone Earl Woods. If Tiger were emotionally healthy, he would understand that his father and mother can only be some good and some bad. If he can only see the good, the anger at the bad has to be hidden away.
It is little wonder that both Michael and Tiger fell into obsessions to cope with childhood trauma as an adult. Tiger was not about to surrender his adult right to "play". He lost it to his father and mother and was not about to surrender it to Elin, no matter what the marriage vows required. His anger at his father and mother became misdirected at Elin, who was doing nothing more than asking Tiger to honor his word. His anger prevented him from honoring what truly may have been his own values as well. He protected his right to his adult playground at any cost.
My worry is that Tiger Woods will never understand his anger and how it gets misdirected. If he continues to be treated as a sex addict, he will be subjected to the treatment for addictions based on the model of Alcholics Anonymous. Nowhere in that model is the emotional cause of his behavior identified and redirected to it's source. In fact, the model of treatment that assumes he is powerless over his addiction will only add more shame. It may work to suppress his anger in the short-term, but not in the long term.
If I am right, and hope that I am not, I predict that Tiger's sexcapades will disappear for a while, maybe a year or so, and reappear with the same intensity. In the interim, his anger will continue to plague his golf game. The fine motor controls needed for golf cannot hide from suppressed anger. His recent neck injury may be only one of many stress reactions created by his hidden emotion. I do not believe that Tiger will return to his prior level of play without understanding himself in a deeper way, and only hope that the reports of his treatment for sex addiction are not a true picture of the depth of the treatment that he requires.
For Tiger's sake, I hope that I am wrong. If I am right, Jack Nicklaus' record of major titles will be safe for a long time to come.

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